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Good News, Bad News
The good news is Dick Cheney says the war will be over before 2009. The bad news is that's enough time to kill another 2,000 U.S. servicemen (at least). The even worse news is that this prediction comes courtesy of a man so self-deluded that he truly believed the Iraqis were going to welcome us as liberators, strewing flowers and candy and cheering U.S. servicemen on the march. I don't know why I bother to continue mentioning Cheney's ludicrous pre-war expectations since accountability is clearly dead in this country, but somebody ought to.
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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More Abuse of the Language
In a recent promo for Channel 7 (WHDH) News in Boston, an anchorwoman delivers the following brilliant observation:
"I'm a self-described news junkie."
If you say "I'm a news junkie," you are by definition a "self-described news junkie."
The only conceivable reason to use the phrase "self-described" in this sentence would be to imply that self-description is not, in fact, true -- i.e., you are a "self-described" news junkie because no one else would ever describe you as such. ("Self-proclaimed" would be a better word choice in that case.)
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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Linguistic Peeve of the Day
My latest linguistic pet peeve: There's a Benjamin Moore paints commercial with a actress portraying a perky housewife who takes about Moore's mini paint cans, which you're supposed to use to test colors on your walls before buying a whole room's worth. This woman says "Benjamin Moore calls them 'color samples.' I call them 'color selection simplified.'"
This drives me completely insane every time I hear it, which is about five times per hour when the TV is on. You have a perfectly fine, clear notion -- color samples. But that's not good enough, so you have an "average person" translate this easy concept -- four syllables, no confusion -- into eight syllables of condescending marketing-speak.
Why in God's name would someone sitting at home suddently decide to call "color samples" "color selection simplified"? And what's the point of hiring an actress to portray a fake real person if that person is going to talk like an ad agency copywriter?
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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Sale on Fractal Prints
There's a "Grads and Dads" sale at the Chaosdancer shop through June 14. When you check out via the Cafepress shopping cart, just enter the coupon code GRDAD05 to get $10 off any order over $30.
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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Mermaids
Mermaids are one of the most ancient myths of humanity. Everyone knows the basic template: She's a woman on top but a fish on the bottom. The classic image is that of an alluring, bare-breasted mermaid sitting on a rock, ready to disappear beneath the waves at a moment's notice.
First off, let's just make three things perfectly clear. 1) There are no mermaids. 2) There are no mermaids. 3) There are no mermaids.
Full story by JMB for the Rotten Library
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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Chaosdancer Prints
I've redesigned the Chaosdancer shop, to improve navigation and product organization and I've tweaked the prices of the prints. You can now choose from among unframed prints, framed prints then other miscellaneous merchandise. Framed, matted prints with a 9x12 image area are just $74.99, and the unframed prints are even larged and considerably cheaper. Check it out. You can also request a custom print of any image on Chaosdancer.com and I will set it up at no additional charge. Just e-mail me with what you want and I will send you a link within 24 hours in most cases.
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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FW Archives Posted
The FW archives are linked at left. These will eventually be appended or supplanted by the Egoplex blog archives, but I wanted to include them here for several reasons. If you're looking for a specific post, try using Google Site Search on the old site. Within a few days, you'll be able to use that function here as well.
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Pope Pius II
Despite being a dissolute sinner with bastard children all over Europe, Pope Pius II left two major historical documents to commemorate his papacy - the very first papal autobiography and the papal bull, Execrabilis (sadly this is not Latin for "shitty"), which officially states that the Pope is the one and only supreme authority in the whole wide Catholic Church and could not be second-guessed by anyone else, period.
Despite the fact Execrabilis was a transparent power grab, this theological breakthrough is still in effect today and it's the reason why you can't impeach a pope for such offenses as enabling and then illegally covering up thousands of cases of priests molesting young boys. Just to pick a purely hypothetical example.
Read the whole article by J.M. Berger at the Rotten Library
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Welcome to the Egoplex Blog
For those of you who followed my writing on the previous site, welcome. I've decided it was time for one of my periodic reinventions. I came to this decision after much consideration of my professional goals. I also came to the realization that most of the traffic to my old site came from people who were interested in things other than my writing.
The Egoplex blog is pretty much the same as the FW blog, with a little less profanity, perhaps, but I promise I won't become civil or meek in the expression of my views. This is just the continued evolution of my self-expression. You will continue to find links to my freelance writing around the Web, as well as the occasional free-form rant.
I am in the process of migrating the old site's archives to Egoplex.com, and I expect to complete the process over the next week.
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Uncle Sam Is A Racist
 During World War II, the U.S. government printed a massive run of propaganda posters that occupy a unique place in American history.
The War Production Board was established in 1942 with a mandate to take over the U.S. economy and convert it into a production machine for war materiel. As part of its mission, the WPD encouraged American workers to spend every waking moment on war-related efforts.
Some of the posters were commissioned and produced in-house, while others were submitted by Americans who wanted to help the war effort. Although many of the posters are relatively simple messages about workplace safety and the importance of the home front, the series features some of the most appalling and racist imagery ever produced by the American government.
Click Here for Full Story by J.M. Berger for the Rotten Library
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It's Not Exactly Polio
I was profoundly irked by a new study (link) regarding the "disorder" of premature ejaculation, which apparently "afflicts" 20-30% of American males, destroying their peace of mind and depriving them of happy, health sex lives.
While I am sure some small percentage of those males have some sort of medical condition, it's ludicrous to suggest that 20-30% of Americans should be "treated" for this "disorder," and here's why:
* First off, pemature ejaculation is a symptom, not a disease. There is no disease called "premature ejaculation."
* In keeping with this sentiment, there is no credible body of literature outlining a medical condition that causes the symptom of premature ejaculation. If you don't believe me, look into it yourself. There is NO MEDICAL CONDITION that causes premature ejaculation except for possibly some extraordinarily rare nervous system disorders.
* Premature ejaculation can be prevented in almost every instance by behavioral modification -- having sex more slowly, regulating masturbation, pausing during intercourse, thinking about baseball... not to mention more advanced techniques like tantric exercises, just to pick one. In other words, you can learn not to prematurely ejaculate. It takes equal parts discipline and caring about your partner's needs. It's not rocket science.
Calling "premature ejaculation" a medical disorder and treating it with drugs is the rankest kind of irresponsibility. It's like medicating someone for playing too many video games, or medicating a child for not doing his homework (which this society does at an alarming rate). It's telling people that they don't have to exercise willpower, they can just take a pill.
You will not be surprised therefore to learn that the study, which was covered by straightfaced news outlets as "science," is entirely the product of the self-serving pharmaceutical industry, bought and paid for by Alza Corp. and Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceutical Services as part of a campaign to pressure the FDA into approving a new drug for the "medical condition."
If you take a few moments to calculate the percentage of the American economy devoted to nonexistent commodities, fictional financing constructs masquerading as business (i.e., most stocks) and completely unnecessary medical treatments, you will discover that the GDP of the USA is a lot smaller than anyone imagines.
Someday, people might wake up and take a good hard look at the emperor's new clothes. The stock market crash of 1929 will look like child's play in comparison to the financial collapse that's a'coming...
Rant concluded.
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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Exit Wounds
Rumsfeld today on the future of the Iraq occupation: "We don't really have an exit strategy. We have a victory strategy."
How many things can you find wrong with this statement? (Hint: At least three.)
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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Mob Boss Revealed Nichols Bomb Stash
Convicted mob boss Gregory Scarpa provided the tip that led the FBI to explosives buried under the house of Oklahoma City bombing conspirator Terry Nichols, according to the researcher who first uncovered FBI records of Scarpa's conversations with Ramzi Yousef.
Another inmate sharing a cell block with Nichols and Scarpa, Emilio "Tito" Bravo, also claims to have "explosive new information" concerning Terry Nichols' ties to Abu Sayyaf, the al Qaeda-affiliated terrorist organization based in the Philippines, according to the researcher. Abu Sayyaf is directly linked to World Trade Center bomber Ramzi Yousef (related INTELWIRE story), and Mohammed Jamal Khalifa, a top al Qaeda lieutenant who was in U.S. custody at the time of the Oklahoma City bombing (related INTELWIRE exclusive).
Scarpa's information has proven reliable in the past. Information about Bravo was not immediately available, but INTELWIRE has confirmed he is a prisoner at the same facility housing Nichols and Scarpa, the Supermax federal prison in Florence, Colo.
Click here for the full story by J.M. Berger for INTELWIRE.com
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PNAC
It sounds so innocuous. Who could object to a project for a new American century? It's a new century, and we live in America! What could possibly go wrong?
The Project for a New American Century, aka PNAC, is a think tank founded in 1997 by arch-conservative commentator William Kristol, whose illustrious career peak was a stint as Dan Quayle's chief of staff. Despite this, Kristol somehow rose to become one of the Republican Party's leading intellectuals and editor of The Weekly Standard, the chief propaganda weapon of the neoconservative movement.
Full story by J.M. Berger at the Rotten Library
Other new Rotten Library articles by J.M. Berger:
PAPALPALOOZA!
* Pope Linus: One of my favorite Rotten Library articles. There's one little problem with the whole idea of the papacy -- it can't be historically traced back to the Apostle Peter with any reasonable amount of reliability. In other words, the whole premise of the importance of the papacy is based on nothing. A nice antidote if you've OD'ed on pope love over the last few days.
* Catholicism: Ah, the Catholic Church. With the recent departure of John Paul II, it's time to bone up on the origins of the Roman propaganda machine.
* Pope John XII: This guy was one seriously bad pope.
And more...
* Passions: The soap opera to end all soaps. Don't forget to check out my Passions of the Christ parody while you're at it.
* Andre the Giant: Have a nice post-Wrestlemania read about good old Andre.
* Anne Catherine Emmerich: The nutball nun who brought you Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ." See parody above.
* William Marston: The kinky creator of Wonder Woman.
* Miracles: A short course in bad semantics.
* Shah of Iran: When bad things happen to bad people.
Posted by J.M. Berger || Permalink
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